Chicago - Big Steaks & Big Beans!

Thie Blog was written on Wednesday night when on the plane home. I'm sorry if it sounds a little grouchy, you'll see why...

Ax

We are now 37,000 feet high just north of the Gulf of St Lawrence, Canada. I really should be asleep now but the kind couple behind me have decided to bring what Clarkson describes as, 'A huge lung coated in a veneer of skin.' I am allergic to the sound of a crying child and have no idea why people think it's a good idea to bring one on a seven hour flight. Is it honestly reasonable to force the sound of hell upon hundreds of people? Please please please, when it comes to long haul flights, wait until your kids have some grasp of reason.

Moan over.

I left you having spent our first night in Chicago, Karen & I being the ones to turn in on Sunday night. We had left the others in an Irish Bar on Division Street and true to form they had made the most of it drinking the bar out of Bombay Sapphire; this didn't affect their performance the following day however...

We were in Chicago without a plan, we knew it as a city of Irish Bars and Jazz Clubs but little else so the plans for the daytime were left fairly loose; after five nights in Sin City were were hardly up for getting up and on it. Foe came up with the idea that we should look for snowboarding equipment whilst we were out here but with the Pound nearly as worthless as the dollar these days it wasn't something that was not to be missed. That being said, Chicago was unfeasibly cold (even the locals were complaining) and a number of our party were in need of hats, scarves and mittens so we took a walk down the Miracle Mile and did the necessary. When we got to the top we came across the Hancock Centre and Paulie remembered that the stewardess on our Vegas flight recommended that this was a better option than the Sears Tower for getting a view of the city. We got some great photos and a lesson on Chicago by their very own Ross from Friends, who is a Cubs fan. Without knowing anything about Chicago or what to do, this commentary gave us some tips but by now it was approaching snooze o'clock and we wanted to head back for an hour's kip because we all knew what lay ahead for the evening.

We met in the lobby at 7.00pm for a gin and got to the phenomenal Smith & Wallansky's in time for our reservation at 8.00pm. We had been recommended this steak house by a fellow who has had a steak or two, my dad, who puts the prime rib as the best thing he's scoffed. We were eager to put Keen's Chop House of New York to the test. Opinion is divided but I can say with certainty that my ribeye on the bone was the best steak I have ever had. We all ordered dessert but did not expect the portions to be bigger than even Stuart's head, we tried our best to munch our way through carrot cakes and chocolate cakes big enough to feed a small African country and eventually gave up and handed the leftovers to a tramp on our way to see some Chicago jazz.

We had been recommended Andy's Jazz Club and found a table, I think we all knew that jazz is not our cup of tea but if ever you're going to visit a jazz club, it will be in Chicago. We saw the end of the first set and the head dude in the band tried to get us harmonising with some Swedes but I'm guessing unless it's Roxette they're not interested.

We tried jazz and decided it was time to move on. Where else to rescue the evening than the Chicago branch of Howl at the Moon? It was laid out identical to it's Orlando brother and was just as entertaining. We got just as drunk. Hazy memories follow but we did get ushered out at closing time towards another Irish bar but I really couldn't' tell you much about it. what I do know is that at midday Tuesday we were all slumped in a busy diner full of lunching (beering) construction workers and we were feeling like death. We took a stroll along Lake Michigan where it was even colder then the day before and back towards downtown. I am now officially a fan of the Great Lakes. I'm always in awe of what nature can produce (with the exception of Damien behind me) and to stand on the shore of a lake that's bigger than Wales is something that amazes me.

Anyway, it's time to talk about Chicago a bit rather than just write about how drunk we got and which Irish bar we did it in. Chicago is one of America's best kept secrets. When we booked this trip many people asked me why we were going to Chicago with a screwed up look on their face but the few who had been before tilted their head, grinned and said "You'll love Chicago."

We have news in the UK which makes us hate America; they're fat, rude, think they own the world and it's their fault the rest of the world hates us. What do we have to show us this? All films are set in New York and all Brits with lungs holiday in Orlando. I've been to Nevada, California and Hawaii and now Illinois. I can't wait to go back to any of these states but you will not find me in New York or Orlando again (until I'm getting hassled to take a child on a long haul flight to Disney).

Don't get me wrong, if you have never been to New York and have never seen Times Square at night, never stood at the top of the Empire State Building or never had a prime rib at Keen's then I heartily recommend it, just don't make the mistake of going again or you start to find faults with the place. You begin to see that New York is a city that is in an awful hurry and is full of extremely pompous twats who think they rule the world, the rest of America does not.

New York is a great place but instead of going there a second time there's all sorts of places in Eastern America well worth a visit. Chicago is well up on my list of recommended places and I can direct you to the best steak you will ever have and the better Italian in a better 'Liddle Idaly' than New York can offer. You can skate outdoors in the winter and they have big shiny bean that I am deliberately under-describing as it is far more stunning than I could give credit for ( For you Wikipedia fans).



If people made less films about New York and more about Chicago the world would be at peace. I'm sure that the 11 September attacks were orchestrated on the back of Bin Laden seeing Ghostbusters 2 and thought that the idea of the scum of New York being responsible for the near-end of the world was a little close to the bone. I want to go back to Chicago but not before I've given the rest of Eastern America a chance, probably en route back from Vegas. Off the top of my head we have, Boston, Philly, New Orleans & Atlantic City. So, from me, when you come across an American you hate, whether it's in person, in film or on the news - ask if they're from Florida or New York.

I'm going to leave it there because I'm clearly getting tired and cranky. I will try and get some sleep even though the parents of the Lung have decided to pacify it by lending it two plastic bottles to play with.

Andy
Chicago 2016
xxx

More Vegas!

I left you in the most extortionately overpriced internet machine I have ever used. $1 per minute was a lot and meant I could only do a half arsed Blog and not even check for more abuse on Facebook.

Vegas has once again killed me during the five nights we have spent there, I explained in the previous offering that we managed to pull a 24 hour day on the first night but due to jet lag this was necessary; nobody really expected us to do something similar on the second evening but the wonderful night in Hard Rock on Paulie's birthday saw us through and has been unanimously voted as the best night so far.

As I said, the day kicked off with each couple doing their own thing. Karen & I started off with a trip to Caesars Palace, a hotel I've always been keen on as it's massive and very central. Inside Caesars is a huge shopping complex and we had a wander though there as I needed a new shirt (all the ones I got in the summer seem to have shrunk). After a stroll through more of the Strip's landmarks we decided to take advantage of the Vegas sun and dropped anchor by the pool for a few hours.

We had all arranged a 6pm meet at Rouge Bar in the MGM Grand for a drink before we walked to the Venetian for or meal at Tao (the oe Stuoobs & Cazzie harped on about). It was extremely tasty and worth the harping on but by the end of it our body clocks we beginning to knock on the door and we knew it was important we got out of the hot restaurant and got some booze inside us. We decided to give the Venetian a chance and stumbled across a bar that had a stage with a keybard, drums and a guitar set up so we ordered drinks and waited for the band to resume playing. We left before the end of their second song because they were either mentally retarded or purposely camp - had it been a different hotel to the lavish Venetian then we may have let them off the hook.

One of my favourite live music bars from last year was the Big apple in NYNY. It was a decent size, adjacent to the casino and always had a good rock & roll cover band on show. NYNY have ripped it out for a High Roller lounge, this can only be for money and I suppose that's why all these hotels are stuck out in the desert but it's a real shame. Without knowing much at all about decent bars outside NYNY we drew inspiration from the best film of the last 12 months, '21', and hailed a cab to the Hard Rock Hotel. Set just off the Strip it's not one of the iconic or largest hotels but it will forever be remembered by us. I thought we'd find a good live music bar knocking around but that wasn't the case so we found a backjack table and got to work. The girls were tired of seeing the backs of our heads and went to the bar. As is the case in places like Vegas, three women in a bar on their own will not have to put their hands in their pockets too often and we were more than happy to have scores of blokes getting our women pissed. We really did lose track of time; I love blackjack as not only is it a game you can master it's also a very social game - we had a great table and we were all egging each other on to hit blackjack and take the casino's money. We had such a good time that we had no idea we'd gambled for seven hours straight. What was even more worrying was that the girls had been drinking for just as long (as had we but our drinks were complimentary). By the time we'd finished we were all completely mashed and thanks to some good card playing and massive amounts of luck I walked out of the hotel with $1000 more than when I went in. The others didn't have quite the same amount of luck but even to come out $200 down you can still walk out knowing that you've had seven hours of laughs and all the free gin they can throw at you.

The cocktail waitresses (or 'Gin Fairies'as we call them) are employed by the casino to keep you sat at the table. With table minimums of $10 a hand a free drink every twenty minutes is nothing to them. The Gin Fairies walk around and offer you drinks, I'm not sure if they get paid by the casino but they will do very well out of the operation as they get tipped $1 per drink. Assuming they work a six-hour shift and wait on twelve tables of six players each drinking every 30 minutes that's a wedge of over $400 a night and that's just with tight-arses like us tipping a buck, on the higher limit tables expect to see $25-$100 tips knocking about. However all of the Gin Fairies have bobbie jobs and bar far and away my favourite cocktail waitress fact is that the cost of these enhancements are TAX DEDUCTIBLE as a business expense, how good is that?

We were genuinely surprised that it was light outside but after our Hard Rock-a-thon the taxi driver dropped us off at the MGM Casino entrance instead of the Signature entrance and this meant that we had to negotiate the casino, not an easy job when smashed and Karen, Stuoobs, Cazzie & I pulled up some chairs at a table and got going. It's safe to assume we were not at the top of our game so the dealer and pit boss were both keeping a close eye on us. Poor Cazzie dropped a chip and in stretching out over three chairs to retrieve it managed to convince the pit boss that she was passing out and Stuoobs was ordered to take her to bed. This was all the reason Pezza needed to start referring to the pit boss as 'dad', to which 'dad'told Pezza that she's be next!

Now, as I've said many times Vegas will do anything to get you in the casino; that is why it is one of the biggest cities in terms of convention hosting. At any one time there will be many convetions in the hotels with heavilly discounted rooms and five star hosting facilities. Therefore when Karen & I were walking back through the MGM towards the Signature we walked passed a Starbucks line full of people in suits who were all essentially on their way to work. Paulie says that this night was the best birthday he has ever experienced, I think it's probably the best I've ever experienced too and meant that for two days running we were up for over 24 hours (if you get my meaning).

All of this meant that Thursday was a little quieter, so much so that I'm struggling to remember what we did. I know I've missed a day somewhere down the line and Thursday was probably it. Hang on, got it now....

Thursday was a tough one. We started the day one man short as Cazzie was incapeable of getting out of bed for anything other than poos. We decided to have a wander down to Hotel Planet Hollywood (which is closer to our hotel than the MGM, bizarley). We had one idea that is central to BOTT and that was that the only way we were going to get through the day would be to accompany breakfast with alcohol, we felt atrocious. Personally, my favourite way to start such a day is a Bloody Mary, the combination of the anti-oxident giving tomato juice and the kick of the spices help kick start your body into gear for the day. The huge shot of vodka also helps. After breakfast we lost Pezza but gained a Cazzie as Pezza felt bed was probably the best option for her. We then did what comes naturally and pulled up a pugh at the blackjack table where I met my new favour croupier, Ron from Upstate New York. This guy had been dealing blackjack in vegas for longer than I have been alive and he knew every trick in book and every way of shuffling, stacking and throwing chips. The guy was great fun and kept us entertained for a bit of early evening gambling. The girls went back a little before us and we thought we could get a quick turnaround ready for a 10.30pm start to the night's festivities. Stuoobs was first to pull the rip cord and say he wasn't going out. At that point I could have killed him for suggesting staying in whilst in Vegas but we were all asleep within about 30 minutes of this and our bodies thanked us for some rest after the previous two 24-hour abuse sessions.

This meant that we were all at the top of our games on Friday when we met for Breakfast (with orange juice and coffee this time). It was an early start to the day and we took the opporunity to head south down the Strip and visit the hotels at that end such as the appalling Excaliber, the iconic Luxor and the stunning Mandalay Bay. We took in the Bodies exhibition at the Luxor and we were all very glad that we didn't feel like we had done 24 hours previously as we were looking at skinned testicles and the occasional foetus. I nearly walked out with a new liver but the woman caught me. Spoilsport. It was a great exhibition and I can't believe we didn't go and see it during its two year stint in Manchester. The Mandalay Bay was beautiful without being pretentious. True to form we plopped the girls in a bar and we went to work, you can always tell how good a hotel is by the standard of the Gin Fairies and all of these were absolutely top drawer. This took us up to snooze time but I was too busy watching Top Gear on BBC America to get my scheduled hour in. Friday night was a great night; Paulie & Karen had recommended the Top of the World restaurant at the top of the Startosphere Hotel so we asked our concierge to make the booking and made tracks (this is where the last Blog post effectively ends). The restaurant is revolving and takes about 1hr 20mins to revolve. It offers phenomenal views of the Strip and surrounding area and has been firmly installed as number one in the 'Andy & Pezza Top Views Of All Time' list, knocking the view from Aqua Restaurant in Hong Kong off the top spot. (Incidentally, the picture at the top was taken from our hotel room, not the Strat!)Aside from the stunning scenery the food was great and our waiter foolishly asked if were celebrating anything which resulted in him making a bit of a fuss of Paulie, which was fun.

The retaurant is several hundred feet high (I'm writing this on a plane and don't have my usual access to Wikipedia) and the windows slope inwards, this means that we were able to do the Ferris Bueller thing and stand with our heads against the window looking straight down to the ground. I'm usually good with heights but this made me very nervous.

Must dash - seatbelt lights are on and that means we're approaching Chicago. I'll pick this up there...

Right, it's now 9.00am Chicago time the following day. As I was saying we were all feeling a bit nervous following our stare down the Stratosphere tower and that may have had something to do with why we bottled the thrill rides; they consist of a giant 'Playstation' (Now called the Ice Blast I think at Blackpool) right at the top and a ride that just shoots you over the edge of the tower, besides this was easilly the windiest day we had in Vegas and it was quite nippy up there and we were in no mood for hanging around so we had a drink in the cocktail lounge above the restaurant and then got a couple of cabs to Old Vegas, where it all began.

Vegas has been compared to Disney Land and you can see why, it's all fake and lots of gimmicks but when you
hit Old Vegas you get a real feel for the history that's around there and how it's struggled to keep up with the Mafia controlled Strip but it was packed and great fun to be at that end of town for a night. We had a couple of hours in the 4 Queens Hotel, named after the poker hand and NOT the kind of clientele it attracts, and enjoyed another successful hour at the tables.

Vegas was starting to fill up as there was a huge UFC fight on at the MGM, rednecks were flocking in from everywhere! It's one thing I love about Vegas, you get ALL kinds of people here and everyone blends in.

We therefore decided that we had little choice but to drink the evening away back at the Piano Bar in NYNY.

We stayed until around 2.30am and by this time my thoughts were turning to Saturday's football. Pezza and I had an hour together at the table in MGM and I walked her back to the room and back, by this time it was 4.00am and I knew I only had three hours before the United game kicked off so I pulled through and watched most of our 5-0 drubbing of Stoke. This was therefore another 24 hour session. Bedtime for me was 9.00am and I was woken by Pezza at 4.00pm with a calzone for breakfast. We had tickets to the show at the Wynn and we were looking forward to going back there after our stay last year. The show, Le Reve, is amazing and blew our minds away. None of us really knew what was going on but it's very 'Çirque Du Soleil' and the skills on show were astonishing. After that we ate at oe of the restauarnts in the Wynn and had our last hour of Blackjack before putting Vegas to bed. We had to be out by 9.30am the next day and I'm sure that we'd all felt we'd done Vegas the way the good Lord intended.

Our first night in Chicago was quiet for Pezza & I, after being last couple standing every night in Vegas we were first in Bed on Sunday in Chicago after a hearty meal in the Hard Rock Cafe which, confusingly, isn't in our Hard Rock Hotel.

The plans for Chicago are quite loose. We have two nights left here and we can see from our window the river and the steakhouse which my old man describes as the best he's ever had so expect some comments on these issues in due course!

Andy
xxx

MAXIMUM VEGAS!

Here it is, it took two visits to Vegas but I've finally managed to steal half an hour to do a Blog. What can I say about Vegas that I didn't already do in my first Blog of 2009? The place hasn't changed, it is still a city of magic and excitement, the only difference is that the Wynn has a twin sister and MGM's City Center complex is taking shape.

I'm unable to treat you to a picture right now but hopefully I'll have a few next time.

Our journey started in Manchester airport and we enjoyed a seamless flight to Las Vegas Steve McClaren Airport. Upon arrival we checked in to the suites at the MGM Signature and after pestering the dude on the desk for three rooms together with balconies he decided the best way to get rid of us was to upgrade us to the Upper Penthouse Level, a nice start to the trip!

The best was to keep going after shifting time zones so much is to keep drinking and we had planned to see the evening off the best way possible in New York New York's Piano Bar that we know from experience is the greatest way to beat jetlag. Before we went to NYNY we decided to take advantage of the facilities at the MGM and play a little blackjack. This was a disaster as we lost fairly big on day one however the Piano Bar did its tyhing and we managed to stay up until gone midnight (26 hours awake), jetlag cured.

We thought that we were done with the long days and woke up on Wednesday to celebrate Paulie's birthday. After a pleasant day of checking out a few hotels, shops and sunbathing it was time for a quick snooze before meeting in the bar en route to Tao Asian restaurant. Stuoobs & Cazzie have been banging on about this since they went to Tao in New York last year and we were all keen to try their Shabu Shabu which is a pot of stock (through lack of a better word) seasoned with soy, chili, ginger etc which is accompanied by a plate of sushi grade Kobe and it's basically a fondue with bells on. It was fantastic and I could talk for hours about it but this PC is costing me $1 a minute! (That will also account for some dreadful spelling - sorry!)

From then on we took in a cocktail at a bar in the Venetian and witnessed a terrible band that would have been at home on Britain's Got Talent - it was very camp but not what we were after so we decided to get a cab to the Hard Rock Hotel and see what would happen. We arrived and noticed it was a lot smaller than many of the hotels on the Strip but it was buzzing. The girls took a seat at the bar and the boys took a seat at the blackjack table. Unfortunately I can't speak for everyone but I had the night of my life - an excellent evening's entertainment, met loads of people, lots of complimentary booze and to top it off I won $1,000. The girls were letting nice chaps at the bar buy them drinks and Pezza got propositioned by a hooker. We were all exceptionally drunk and it was only when we left the casino we noticed that it was very light and couldn't believe we stayed there until after 6.00am. Not ones to give up we continued gambling at the MGM and eventually made our way to bed at 9.00am, passing delegates from various conferences on the way. A truly top Vegas night.

Since then we've been checking out more of the Strip and as I hurriedly write we're about to check out the Stratosphere and have dinner at the Top of the World restaurant at the summit of the tower and then we'll visit Old Vegas and see what happens.

Tomorrow we have tickets to see La Reve at the Wynn and as it's our last night in Vegas we'll probably do it justice.

I'll be back another day with a bit more detail, photographs and unwanted opinion.

Andy, Karen, Stuoobs, Cazzie, Paulie & Karen.

xxxxx

September keeps on going - Florida wrapped up & another Foden wedding!

One day I'll be able to write a post without mentioning the word 'America' however this is not one of them and with Vegas around the corner it may be a while yet.

I left you with the Mobile post that was written a few days into Florida. I'm not going to bore you with a full chronological account of Florida, mainly because it's all mashed into one drunken blurry mess in my head. Instead, I'll do my best to describe what's there and what we made of it.

THE THEME PARKS

Florida is famous for it's theme parks. Beforehand we had looked into it and opted to buy a Flexiticket that gets us in to most of them in the State, the main exception being Disney but we were happy to fork out for that one. Our first port of call was Universal Studios. The Universal complex is divided up into three parts: Universal Studios which is a park dedicated to Universal and features attractions that take you through films such as E.T., The Mummy, Men In Black, and Jaws but only really feature a couple of thrill rides - the new Simpsons ride is unbelievable. The second part is a dedicated thrill park - Island of Adventure; this park has two of the best rides I have ever been on: Spider-man and Hulk. The final part of the complex is City Walk, essentially bars, clubs, restaurants & shops. Orlando doesn't really have what we would call a 'town centre' for tourists so City Walk (and Downtown Disney) were our main choices for evening entertainment - the Hard Rock Cafe there is amazing.



We spent a few days and nights around this part of town - they seemed to get the mix just about right.

The company that owns Budweiser, Anheuser-Busch, also own a lot of Florida and we were attracted to three of there theme parks, Sea World, Aquatica and Busch Gardens.

Sea World. I could bang on about this place for weeks. Essentially it's a marine based theme park with rides and several marine-animal based attractions. Many of these attractions fall into the 'average' category - sharks are far less interesting than Jaws makes out, puffins are just a poor man's penguin and sea lions aren't even interesting enough to bother with. What Sea World does brilliantly though are the things it's famous for. I banged on a bit about Sea World in the post below, but no apologies for mentioning it again. Later on in the holiday when we had exhausted the Wet n' Wild water park we made a dash for Sea World to catch the 5.30pm Believe show one last time - it nearly brought tears to our eyes a second time. It also made me realise that I REALLY want a pool full of Bottlenose Dolphins - the coolest animal on the planet.

Busch Gardens is great and well worth the 75 mile drive for a day visit. Again, mentioned below, but what Sea World and Busch Gardens do really well is mix the fun with the serious stuff. It's not thrown in your face but they do a lot of great work on the whole conservation side of things. They get criticised for the fact that their Orcas live much shorter lives than wild ones but at the end of the day they are raising a whole load of awareness for what are brilliant and endangered animals. The Sea World and Busch Gardens Conservation Fund is recognised as being one of the leading charities of its kind and the dollars pouring through the gates at Sea World to see Shamu all help the cause.



I guess that leaves Disney. Disney is what put Orlando on the map, it's iconic and the images of Mickey and the Magic Kingdom are what immediately spring to mind when you think of the place. We were naturally all looking forward to going. I'd been before but I was six years old and the only thing I remember is the unbearable heat and my dad throwing up in the plants after going on Space Mountain. It turns out that my memory is remarkably good, all Disney really has to offer is Space Mountain and heat!

It is a phenomenal place and the thought & attention that has gone into it is obvious; the main parade and fireworks are wonderful however standing next to the likes of Island of Adventure, Busch Gardens and Sea World you've got to be honest that Disney looks a bit dated and complacent. Well worth a day out but not worth the hype. Times have moved on since Disney were the 'be all and end all' of entertainment. With the likes of Dreamworks throwing us classics like Shreck, Disney's appeal is somewhat diluted.

FLORIDA'S WEATHER!

Typical Brits, all we can talk about is the weather. The difference with this post though is that Florida has interesting weather; you know when you're driving along the freeway and there are signs for the evacuation routes that it's more than just 'wet leaves on the line' that Floridians need to worry about. The last major hurricane to bother these people was Charlie in 2004 and a quick check on the NHC website before we left let us know that we'd be lucky not to be involved one way or the other with Hurricane Gustav, Tropical Storm Hanna and a few other systems already establishing themselves in the Atlantic.

We arrived in Orlando amidst the tail end of Gustav and it was raining quite heavily, nothing too bad and we knew that not only had it passed but Florida only got the edge of it anyway. It was a decent enough storm but Cuba got the brunt of it. Of more significance was Hanna, the local forecasters simply couldn't tell where it was heading for until a couple of days before it made its final approach. The news was that it was missing Orlando entirely but was making its way up the coast and the entire eastern seaboard of America was under a tropical storm warning. This would have been good news but the day Eastern Florida was getting hit was the day we were driving east to Daytona! The storm itself was a couple of hundred miles off the coast but the waves on Daytona Beach were amazing, Daytona hadn't seen anything like this since Charlie. We were happy because it was a bit extreme but still safe enough to venture out. A couple of hours before this picture was taken the waves were much bigger and on the national news.



Hanna eventually went up to New York where it disrupted much of the US Open tennis before it made its way back over the Atlantic and gave the UK all that rain on 10 September. By this time we had our eyes on Hurricane Ike. Again, this ended up missing us at the cost of most of Cuba and Texas but we did get some brilliant thunderstorms.

All in all we were a little disappointed not to get a bit more. It's not everyday you're in a Hurricane area and I for one would happily have sat in a hurricane party for two days with the most violent weather I'd ever see going on around me.

THE TUBING

We'd been warned about this. "They don't really embrace drinking like you do it." We'd been told.

We were unconcerned by this as making our own fun is part and parcel of most holidays so we thought that ten of us could rock up at a bar and create a bit of fun. I for one was pleasantly surprised by the reception we got. Orlando is fairly spread out, you have freeways that all look the same (every half mile there is a block of shops, each containing a McDonald's, Denny's and a gift store) - if you were ever lost and looking for a landmark you would be proper fooked. Anyway, the point being that there's no obvious centre to head to but the places of interest were City Walk, Downtown Disney, International Drive and Old Town Kissimmee. We'd done a bit of research and knowing that day one is always tough with jet lag we knew we'd need to be entertained so we went to Howl at the Moon on International Drive, it was exactly what we needed with some lively pianists, free shots and some couple looking for a threesome. I really liked it here, it was full of tourists but it had an original feel to it; places such as City Walk and Downtown Disney are just full of chain establishments such as Hard Rock Cafe, Planet Hollywood and Margaritaville. I preferred City Walk to Downtown Disney, DD was really just a place for families to eat in what the Americans called a 'real Irish pub' but it was places like this that summed it up - too new, too clean and no mottled drunk Paddy in the corner with a dog; we did manage to find an 80s disco club to have a good boogie. So we only did DD once but gave City Walk a few cracks and had a good drink each time, the only let down here was the Karaoke bar was total pants - it had promised soooo much to be like the Maggioke bar in San Francisco but, again, it was a bit too clean to be effective - trying too hard.

As for Old Town Kissimmee, we liked it down there but it suffered a bit from it being the end of the high season. In many ways you can't win - if you come in August then you get the bustling nightlife but are forced to stand in two hour queues at the parks; when we were there we thought 20 mins was a long queue but the bars were not bustling during the week.

The fourth option was for a good old American house party in the Villa. We realised when it got dark how few of the villas around us were occupied, this was definitely a good thing because we'd either stay in, make noise and get drunk or we'd go out and make a racket when we got in with some canonballing in the pool.


(1) Howl at the Moon - some Mexicans bought us tequilla! (2)Little Kev and a giant beer! (3) Drunken pool frolics (4) Karaoke in Old Town Kissimmee (5) Dave's bus (6) Pezza in the 80s club with a bloke in a wheelchair.

The picture of Dave's bus brings back some memories - this bloke basically chauffeured us around Orlando when we were drunk; he was a legend giving us discounts, undercutting his bosses and picking up beer. He'd drop us off at 3am and we'd get him out of bed to pick us up again at 2pm. Getting a bus was a bit of trial and error if we're being honest. The first night we had at City Walk Stu phoned the bloke who the Holiday Home Company had recommended, he had dropped the girls off earlier in the night (the boys were a few hours ahead) and then picked us up again some 5 hours later - during that time we'd had a few drinks but amazingly John the Driver managed to drink loads more than us. I have never been as terrified in all my life and certainly not been in a car with anybody as smashed as him driving. We left the freeway a number of times and all in all glad to be home with a zero death count.

All in all the tubing was good in Florida - far better than I'd anticipated.

That leaves us with:

DAYTONA BEACH: THE WEDDING

Since booking the holiday Dunc & Mel decided to follow the latest craze and get married in America whilst we were out there. Instead of sticking to Orlando they opted for Daytona Beach (and Hurricane Hanna). We drove up on the Friday and could feel the wind picking up the closer we got to Daytona but it was only once we had reached the coast that we could really get it in our hair. This was just about the strongest winds we'd get in the UK and yet the storm was still hundreds of miles away. Even the next day the surge was still there and the waves were impressive despite the sun firmly taking over.

With the wedding on the Saturday afternoon it was only right to have Daytona Stag & Hen dos. We gathered info off the hotel about where to go and the boys & girls headed in their respective directions with strict instructions as to boundaries and territory. Imagine our surprise therefore when the girls turned up in the strip club on our patch??? They seemed to be enjoying it more so we got out of there as quick as we could and went back to our Irish bar. It was a great night and probably the night in which most of us got the most drunk we'd been all holiday.

After the storm on Friday it was glorious on Sunday and the wedding had been set up on a picturesque part of the beach. There was an area reserved for us to have some champagne before we went to a restaurant we'd scouted out for what was undoubtedly the best meal of the holiday (much better than Charley's steakhouse in Orlando - best steakhouse in America my arse!). All in all it was a great success.




All of my Florida pictures can be found through this link.

That pretty much brings us back home. No rest for the wicked though as this weekend was:


THE FODENS' UK WEDDING

We were happy enough with how long the California Wedding was strung out (rehearsal dinner, wedding, post wedding, day after wedding - all of it to a 5-star standard). This weekend it was England's turn. I've been to 'UK Receptions' before and they usually involve a function room and a buffet. Everybody has a drink, exchanges stories, wishes the couple well and leaves having had a good night. This one went a bit further! The Fodens had commandeered a friends farm and erected some marquees. they filled these marquees with booze, a hog roast and a band. The entire evening was a giggle and you know it's a good night when the band comment on how good it is - you can bet that when they usually do this sort of stuff it's ABBA and Nolan Sisters all the way.

Sunday was a bad hangover day but we managed to drag ourselves to the church for the blessing and a reception in Graham & Trish's garden.

Finally after four stag nights, three wedding receptions, two weddings, one rehearsal dinner and a brunch over a period of four months, the Foden wedding celebrations have finally come to an end!



The full set from the weekend is here.

That'll do for now - there's loads more I would have loved to put in but it would have just been too long and even more dull. I'll make sure that for Vegas everything is in order and I can update the blog more regularly (even though last time I was in Vegas the blog went to pot due to Vegas being too good to put down).

See you soon.

xxx

Florida #2 - The Fun Continues!

Since the 'Cheerio Dunc' post it's been a bit quiet on here. This is because the software I use to blog from my phone when abroad changed when I was away. It's sorted now and this is the post I intended to upload nearly two weeks ago.

I'm getting all the pics of Stuoobs tomorrow so should have a full, comprehensive and unsuccessfully long account of Florida this week.

xxx




Since the last post we've been very busy. Following the hectic stag & airport bonanza we've spent a few days theme parking and have visited Sea World, Aquatica (Sea World's water park) and Busch Gardens. Due to the moist nature of the parks we've visited I couldn't get a good pic on my phone to upload to the blog, so I settled for a picture of some boys being gay in the villa.

Sea World was phenomenal - it was the attraction I was looking forward to most of all and it didn't disappoint. The first thing that greats you on the way in is the 'Dolphin Nursery'; a pool for Dolphin mummies and babies live for a while. There were around three sets in there and they are wonderful. For those who have never seen live dolphins before you really need to go and see some, they are natural show-offs and love to say hello and prat about - a bit like us really.

There is so much 'wow factor' in Sea World from the roller coasters, the excellent log flume and the many animal shows but the undisputed highlight is the Shamu show that was so wonderful we all began to well up a little! It's well worth five minutes of your time to Google 'Shamu Believe' (the name of the show) and see what the fuss is about - incredible.

Aquatica is a water park and not too special in its own right but there are worse ways to spend your day than in a state of the art water park in 100F heat dicking about with your mates. It was a day when I woke up feeling poo and would have been happy lazing by the pool but I'm glad we went, the highlight was the vertical slide race between the six blokes - won by The Don.

As for today (and I'm rushing because the taxis are on their way); we visited Busch Gardens in Tampa, basically a cross between a Safari Park and a Theme Park. It was mega and there were several rides that Stuart didn't go on and a couple more that he really SHOULDN'T have gone on.

We're now off out for a good night out - the Tubing has been a good and a full alcohol will follow tomorrow.

xxx

Cheerio Dunc!

I write to you from Florida! We have been here in our Villa in Kissimmee for one whole day so far but it feels like we've been around for a lot longer. Our flight was at 10.30am Saturday however we were not arriving at the airport in a fit state.

As you'll know, Dunc and Mel are marrying on Daytona beach next Saturday and due to Dunc's foreign work commitments his Stag night was Friday night. Andy had arranged a night at Manchester Dogs followed by a cheesy club, Sublime. It was a great night and I'm happy to report nobody held back due to our plans for the following day. Cracking night.

The 8 hour flight to Florida was the longest of my life as I had to stay sober enough to drive at the other end. Not good. Since getting here we did the usual post Transatlantic plan of drinking for as long as possible to avoid jet lag. We ended up at a piano duelling bar doing free shots and befrending Mexicans for tequila. It was then to home and in order to ensure we stayed up for 24 hours we dicked about in the pool until 4am.

Today was our first excursion to a theme park with a brief afternoon trip to Universal Studios; loads to do and we'll be going back.

Tonight's plan is for a barbecue and house party in the villa - something we may need to get accustomed to as Hurricane Hanna makes its way over!

Speak soon
xxx

California - Santa Booze!

After any wedding comes the honeymoon. I've been on a honeymoon before shortly after Pezza & I got married, it was good fun and it's not a nice feeling to think that you'll never go on a honeymoon again! So, with Foe & Erin safely married it was time for the honeymoon - they decided to spend a week in Santa Cruz on the Californian coast and then head to Vegas; the great thing about this honeymoon was that we all went along for the first leg!

The happy couple arranged a beach house and after the brunch at Bill & Laura's it was time to head over the windy roads of Santa Cruz mountain to our next destination. We found it fairly easily as we had no car issues and could therefore follow Paulie's sat nav. We must have arrived late afternoon - Foe, Erin & the Kershaws were arriving later as they had a meal in Morgan Hill with the family. We had a recky down to the boardwalk to see what Santa Cruz had to offer, this is very much the beach/amusement park/tacky part of the resort and we struggled to find anywhere we could call 'HQ' for the next few days. We had dinner and pumped the barmaid for info on where we could tube, the general consensus was head down Pacific Avenue. Stuoobs was keen to get going and rather than go home and change he suggested that we "head down Pacific and 'see what happens'". Despite his optimism we did go home and cracked open a beer whilst proceeding to get ready. Amazingly, Pezza suggested that just the boys go out! This was terrible news to Ollie and Tim who were quite happy to sit in a dark house with a cup of warm milk after the mayhem that was the wedding night, however they succumbed to beer pressure and we were on our way!

Paulie and Karen were staying in a hotel and came out to meet us, our first port of call was the Blue Lagoon (it had a neon sign). It was a little unconventional but as it was the first bar we could always move on after one. We found the barman to be a bit odd but he was fully on board with giving us Jagerbombs for bugger all! A few more in there and it time to take our Boys night (and Karen, who kept up exceptionally well) onto the next couple of bars. Stuoobs was beginning to flag but Ollie & Tim were now bouncing off the walls after their earlier reluctance however 'one more' and it was time for home. By the time we got home the Fodens had arrived and we now had a full house.

The next morning we had our best lie in all week, the weather was cloudy and Easty & I were thinking of things to to during the day in Santa Cruz when it's cloudy. We could think of one thing. Erin assured us that the sun would come out early afternoon and she wasn't wrong so we stocked up and headed to Santa Cruz Main Beach for a day of sun, banter and beach volleyball!



That evening was the first of our planned activities for the week, the Foes had planned some pub golf; Natalie & Clare wanted to know what happened at the end of pub golf.......

We crawled through the bars of Santa Cruz and gradually got more and more 'Pub Golfed' ending up in the 99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall bar; a bar that has an arsenal of 99 beers and you can earn a plaque on the wall if you shift the lot of them. As men we are programmed to turn down every loyalty based system in the world, such as store cards for example, however a plaque on the wall of a pub? Where do we sign? We optimistically thought that between us we could do the lot which seemed like a good idea until you're faced with drinking a bottle of La Fin Du Monde, a 9% beer whose title translates as 'The End of the World'.

Anyway, this was the final bar of the night and it was karaoke night - more than enough to keep us fully entertained until the fun and games began.




We all woke up feeling terrible. It was good news that Foe had arranged a day's wine tasting (tasting=drinking). We were told that the minibus would be picking us up at 11.00am however what turned up wasn't a minibus. I'd always dreamt of the 'BOTT minibus' which is essentially a minibus with the inside ripped out and replaced with a limo type interior, a fridge and a loud sound system; this is what Foe had booked and it didn't take long for our hangovers to drift through our bloody Marys and into the Champagne. We had hooked up Stuoobs' iPod to the radio and drifted through three of Santa Cruz Mountain's finest wineries getting thoroughly thoroughly smashed in the process. We were supposed to visit a fourth winery but by this time we had acquired many bottles from the three visited so far and the power ballads were blasting out so we told the driver to just drive around for an hour!

This was a superb day.

(1) First glass with Donald Sutherland (2) On the minibus - getting wrong; (3) Clare & Pezza (4) Our picnic at one of the wineries (5) Bus driver Pez (6) Band Aid!



From then on we drifted through the day, firing up the barbecue, some mild nudity and then heading back down Pacific.

1. Paulie Tossing, 2. Pezza Begging for Beer, 3. Bottle of Tequila & Bowl of Gin, 4. REM gig


From then on it was a thoroughly good couple of days and definitely one of the best honeymoons I have ever been on. Eventually it was time to drive back up to San Francisco to stay in a hotel for one more night before getting our early morning flight home via Philadelphia.

Definitely one of the best holidays ever. The full photo album is via this link.

We got back Saturday morning and it's been a struggle to get back to normality with the body clock but with the start of the football season coming up we have a great weekend ahead with the Geordie side of the family coming down for a few days of fun.

Andy
xxx

California (Post #2 of 3)

When I left you after Post #1 we were driving the 70 miles from San Francisco to Morgan Hill.


View Larger Map

If only it was actually that simple. In order to drive we needed a couple of cars. Stuoobs & Paulie had checked this out and booked a couple of vehicles from the Hertz hire place over the road from our hotel, Paulie had booked himself a funky cabriolet for himself and Karen whilst Stuoobs, Easty, Pezza & I had hired one of those GMC SUVs that make our very own Chelsea Tractors look like toy cars. Paulie foresaw sadness here but was fortunate enough to get his car, the rest of us had to wait whilst Hertz scratched around their San Francisco depots looking for something vaguely similar to what we had ordered. We were lucky in the end and got the GMC which was slightly better than what we had actually ordered, nonetheless it had set us back a bit of time.

We were due to be at Morgan Hill in time to check into our hotel and make the 20 minute drive to Eagle Ridge for 3pm for the wedding rehearsal for the wedding that was due to take place the day after and as we had in the car the best man, an usher and one of the readers it's safe to say we may have been missed! We rocked up at Eagle Ridge about 30 minutes late and got proceedings underway without further ado.

That evening was the Rehearsal Dinner. This is something a bit alien to us Brits. Bill & Laura (Erin's parents) had hired out a really strange venue which was essentially a massive games room (pool, shuffle board, an indoor-American version of Crown Green called 'bocce ball'). The games room had a bar! It turned out to be a brilliant venue as it offered everybody, many of whom were from 8000 miles away, the opportunity to mingle and meet everybody so that you're not strangers at the wedding. Another purpose of the rehearsal dinner is for the groom's father to say a few words and for the bride & groom to thank everyone involved, again a good idea!

I particularly enjoyed the evening as Graham & I can rightly say we are the World Series of Shuffleboard champions 2008!

After allegedly having an early night we got our final beauty sleep before the big day. It was an early start as a few of us played golf (Foe, Easty, Graham, Si, Finchy & Finchy's kids). I was faced with the choice of going off with the younger generation but I thought that they would probably have a better time without me; as my inclusion was a bit of an afterthought there were five of us, the most that can be in a group is four so I chose to ignore the actual golf and just drive around in a golf cart, enjoying the banter and Californian sunshine. The morning only got better from there; I had no doubt that there would be alcohol involved at some point during the morning but what I didn't expect to see was some fitty approaching us in a golf cart converted as a bar. It was brilliant, if this was done in the UK it would simply be an ice box on the back of a lawnmower but this girl had many beers and a fridge full of shorts. By the time we'd approached the back nine we were having a lot of laughs and I had invented a new sport called 'Andy Golf'. It's like normal golf but the shots are counted in bottles. All of the pictures are on Graham's camera and I'll try and get hold of them once he's lost all his money in Vegas.

The afternoon was time for the main event and aside from sweat running into places I didn't think was imaginable it was what can only be described as the perfect Californian wedding.

(1) The girls (2) The boys! (3)Bridesmaids (4)The reading (5)Down the aisle (6) doing the deed.

Created with Admarket's flickrSLiDR.

After the photos and mingling it was time for the meal, after the meal it was the speeches with Easty doing a sterling job at making Foe cringe and Americans whinge!

Rule #28: Make sure there's an open bar.

It was then time for the night do and the happy couple were generous to lay on an open bar so many Jagerbombs were on the go and Stuoobs did the Kev thing of invading the dancefloor with a bottle of sambuca. Foe had briefed the DJ with a list of essential songs and the evening was set. We were booted out of there at around 11.30pm but a facility had been laid on at our hotel to carry the evening on there. This is where the real carnage began with many beer bongs and Stuoobs' iPod on the go. I think the last of us retired at approx 4.30am.

Our final act in Morgan Hill was a brunch at the Duricas' which was a really good wind down following the previous day's merriment, carnage and, of course, golf.

As you can see, there's not a whole lot of meat on the bones here, largely due to beer bongs and golf, so here's a link to all my Morgan Hill pictures.

From there we drove to the coast and onto Santa Cruz. I'll pick that one up later in the week once it has been heavily edited.

Andy
xxx

California (Post #1 of 3)

I last blogged on the London to San Francisco flight and was showing off the wonders of my phone as a blogging tool. The intention was to find some of California's numerous wireless networks and post a blog every couple of days. Unfortunately, two days into the trip my phone screen smashed and here I am trying to cram the last 12 days into one massive posting!

And what a 12 days it's been. It's certainly been one of the more eventful holidays I've ever been on from the ever predictable flight sadness, the very unpredictable flight upgrading to the legendary wine tasting!

So, to begin: our itinerary for the trip was supposed to be as follows:
Wed 30 July fly from Manchester to San Francisco (via Philadelphia)
2 nights in San Francisco
2 nights in Morgan Hill
4 nights in Santa Cruz
1 night in San Francisco
8 August fly from San Francisco to Manchester (via Philadelphia), arrive home 9 Aug.

As always, things went wrong but instead of the usual (lost luggage, closed airports etc) we were told a day before that we'd been bumped off our flights as the plane that was due to take us was being replaced with a smaller one. Thankfully Col the travel agent gave us the heads up and Stuoobs was well prepared once the airline called. We were due to fly Wednesday morning and had treated ourselves to business class flights. The airline had offered us by way of an alternative economy via Frankfurt. Stu & I have one experience of Frankfurt and the only way to describe it is the ONLY airport that Stuoobs has refused to shit. Stuoobs held his ground and got us on a better flight from Heathrow first thing in the morning, this meant that we had to get to London that night and a few calls to people and some panic packing meant that we were all on our way to Manchester Airport to fly to London where we would be put up in a hotel (all courtesy of United Airlines).

Getting to London was easy enough but once there we had no idea whether we were in the Renaissance or the Radisson but after a few calls we headed to the Radisson and made haste to the bar.

It was the following morning where we thought the wheels had well and truly come off as we got to Heathrow Airport (the modern day 'Bermuda Triangle'). The problem was that US Airways (who we were now flying with) had upgraded their computer system overnight and seemingly told everyone except the one bloke checking us in. He was totally useless and it took him the best part of an hour to check us in. We were all issued with business class boarding cards but we were not sat together.

A few gins and a bloody mary in the lounge and it was time to head for the gate where we could bypass the queue. Pezza was first and the chick at the boarding gate scanned her boarding pass which was greeted with the 'negative buzzer' sound. We thought we were doomed until the lady handed us all new passes with the words 'First Class' scrawled across the top.

This was an unexpected bonus (especially for Karen B & Easty who had no idea we were flying at the front anyway) and we celebrated our fortune with gin.

A very comfortable nine hours later we landed in San Francisco (not San Fran, not 'Frisco' - the locals hate it apparently). We had a bonus night in San Francisco on the basis that our flight landed several hours earlier than our original flight was scheduled to. As with any transatlantic flight the efforts to get rid of the jet lag are always tricky and the best thing to do is find something to keep you entertained. As we were early we hadn't foreseen it being necessary but after some serious flagging at about 7.30pm we went hunting for some bars. Wednesdays in San Francisco are clearly not buzzing but we stumbled across a gem of a place called Maggie McGarry's. By an unbelievable stroke of fortune they had their inaugural karaoke night. This was not just any ordinary karaoke night with a tv screen, old mic and fat DJ, this was 'M&S karaoke', if Carlsberg did karaoke etc etc.

They had a live band and a selection of songs they knew with a music stand on the stage with the lyrics. You would hand your song request to the groupie, get up and rock! It was, without question, the greatest karaoke I have ever experienced and we need to get this sort of stuff going in the UK. I did Mr Brightside and Stuoobs followed suit with a cracking rendition of Summer of 69

He got his first real six string...

Day two and time for a stroll through the City and finally meeting up with the Fodens who we hadn't seen since Foe's series of leaving dos. It was a brief meeting as they still had a few last minute bits and bobs to do before the wedding but we had arranged to meet them later and we went off sight seeing on bikes around the city. All this really involved was riding a bike over the Golden Gate and enjoying a beer 8 miles away in Sausalito before getting the ferry back (with great views of Alcatraz)

(1) Four 'bicyclysts' (2) Stuoobs about to climb up to the bridge (3) On the ferry back to Fishermans Wharf (4) Alcatraz
Created with Admarket's flickrSLiDR.

We were then straight on it and met the Foden party (males) in Hooters for the start of what ended up as Foe's American Stag Night. We tried our best to get him to jack it in and come to Vegas but I think he was too drunk to understand. We ended up in Lefty O'Doul's, a restaurant/bar named after the legendary baseball player. This is the bar that Stuoobs, Foe, Easty & Dunc frequented two years ago and is home of the brilliant pianist, David Seaman who is an all-request piano party dude. This was one a fabulous night and I'm glad that we gave Foe a night he wont remember.



All of my San Francisco pictures can be found here

The next morning we were up and driving to Morgan Hill. I'll pick up the blog there at some point tomorrow...

Andy
xxx

Putting 2007 to Bed

It's been a while since I blogged in LA. It's not that I got fed up with it after LA - I was incapable of getting to a computer and boring you with the insignificant details of my life.

Was I incapable because there was no internet access where I was?

No.

Was it that I had some sort of debilitating illness?

No.

The fact was we were in Las Vegas and as Elvis would have said had he not been working in our local chippy,

How I wish that there were more
than twenty-four hours in a day.
Cause even if there were forty more
I wouldn't spend anytime bothering to do a blog.

It really is that hectic. I'll wrap up the holiday in a bit but, for no apparent reason, I'll box off Christmas and new year first.

Christmas at the Geoghegans is always fun and one I was looking forward to more than usual as we had to spend last Christmas in the freezing and hostile climate of Melbourne. We did the traditional Christmas Eve activity of pub, curry and church (in that order). Some people think it's disrespectful to load up in the pub, have a stinky curry and then rock up at church for midnight mass but we've come on a long was since that dark Christmas Eve when we got banned from the church of England and if we're not allowed to turn up, sit politely and then have a good sing a long whilst the religious nuts murmur their way through songs celebrating the birth of Mr J Christ in a way that makes them sound unbelievably depressing. They missed out Silent Night so we, rather ironically, belted out on the walk home.

I love Christmas morning. We get up at about 9am as soon as Dad turns on the radio in the kitchen to wake us up and totter downstairs to find two clues that "he's been"; a lot of prezzies and a plate with a half eaten mince pie, half eaten carrot and half a glass of milk (Santa obviously had the whole Jagerbomb). Once we've established that Santa's been it's time to crack on with the Champagne and punch - this pretty much sets the tone for Christmas.

Presents open, more drink and general merriment - this is a picture of us waiting outside the pub at 11.59am waiting for it to open:


After a swift one in the Freshy it was time for Pezza and I to bid farewell as we popped to Karen's sister's for dinner which was nice; difficult to sum up really - probably fair to say nice family Christmas but without the arguing. It was then back to The Geoghegans for Christmas night complete with Clarkey's patented drumming to Paradise City on Mum's pots and pans.

Between Christmas and New Year we had BOTT Christmas - Like the Christmas I described above but with more alcohol and corned beef.

Finally, New Year's Eve. It took a while to decide what we were going to do but we eventually plumped for Beefy's fancy dress party. We pulled out the stops and rented costumes, Pezza and I going for the 'Pimp & Whore' ensemble. You can track Pezza's progress over the following 12 hours in the three photos below:


That'll be the Absinthe! We had to stop once on the way home for a quick vomit and then again once we got into the car park at home. I left her to it and went to the diabolical Man Utd v Birmingham match.

So that's that, we're into 2008! I'll be sad to see 2007 go; it has been a terrific year that will be tough to top - in brief we started in Australia, moved onto Hong Kong, stag do in Barca, got married, honeymooned in Cancun, retired and then went round the world.

So what will 2008 bring? For starters there's the change to the blog - it's no longer Andy's Retirement as I have come out of retirement now, I am now looking for work and we'll be all steam ahead to open our nursery. As I said in my very first post, the aim is to be 90% there come the spring and I'll update when anything significant happens.

2008 also sees a return of Mancunian Super Hero - FAT ANDY! The scales were tipped this morning at a mind-blowing 106.4kg, that's 16st 10lbs. This is phenomenal. 12 months ago I was 87.7kg - a weight gain of an average of just under a pound a week. So, here's the deal - I'm on another bet with the old man but this time not for money. We both have a target of weight and a date, if one doesn't make it and the other does then the loser must get a tattoo of the victor's choosing - no restrictions. We both have to get down to 83.4kg, my target date is 29 August whereas Dad's is 24 December (he's got a bit more pie than me).

I've pigged out a bit over Christmas, more consciously than usual as I've known that that's it now for 241 days. My first target is to lose a stone and a half by the end of January. It sounds optimistic but I'll let you know. I'll be dealing in kilos from now on so the target for Friday 1 Feb is 96.8kg. I will be doing this with a series of tasteless meals and sweating. I will be doing the 10k on 18 May in Manchester and hopefully the Great North Run on 5 October.

So, what of the remainder of the holiday? I left you in LA complaining of the transport infrastructure. We flew to Vegas later that day and the destruction soon began. Vegas is an astonishing place, everything is there - it's the entertainment capital of the world and they bend over backwards to make sure you have the best time you ever could there.

How can you sum up Vegas?

"For guys like me, Las Vegas washes away your sins. It's a morality car wash. It does for us what Lourdes does for humpbacks and cripples. And, along with making us legit comes cash. Tons of it. I mean, what do you think we're doing out here in the middle of the desert? It's all this money. This is the end result of all the bright lights and the comped trips, of all the champagne and free hotel suites, and all the broads and all the booze. It's all been arranged just for us to get your money. That's the truth about Las Vegas."

Sam 'Ace' Rothstein, Casino (1995)

I love it, it's my kind of place but 5 days there is a real test, or at least it seemed to be. Perhaps if you lived there you would perhaps pace yourself a bit more. It was my plan to cram as much in as possible, Vegas is all about indulgence so there was much gambling, much drinking and not much sleep. As Ace Rothstein said, it's all about the money and they need you in the casinos. To that end smoking indoors is still permitted in Vegas and, as long as you're gambling, a pretty, surgically enhanced robot wearing exceptionally skimpy clobber will happily bring you any drink of your choice all day and all night. Our rationale was that as long as we weren't losing more than £15 an hour we were even with the booze. As it turns out we all ended up about even with the drinks pulling us out on top.

The first thing that struck me about Vegas is the vastness of the hotels, they are full scale resorts in their own right. Each has 5/6 restaurants, two theatres, conference rooms bigger than most pubs, 2/3 nightclubs, 4/5 bars, cafes, rows of shops, a couple of pools, spas, a casino exactly as you see in the movies and a taxi rank. To walk from one end of the Strip to the other is pointless - it's 4.5 miles long so the best thing to do is get a cab to one bit and hang around there for the day.

This is one of the streets inside the Venetian - as you can see it's bustling with activity with roadside cafes and shops leading up to the man made canal network. What is amazing is that this is actually indoors and the sky is painted on.

Our day would usually start at about midday (the cleaners in Vegas don't start knocking on your door until after 4pm) and we would get our steak and eggs for breakfast, with a Guinness, before the assault on the day began. We would either do a bit of shopping (Vegas was much cooler than our previous 9 destinations) or gambling before trotting to New York New York where the real drinking would begin. We were never going to fully experience every hotel in Vegas so we stuck to what we know from when Stuoobs, Easty, Foe and Dunc went and just got wrecked in NYNY.

The Saturday was the night of the Hatton v Mayweather fight. Tickets were available for about £1000 each so we decided against it but a number of hotels were hosting fight parties and we ended up in the Mirage where the atmosphere was amazing helped by about 1500 drunk Mancunians packing the place out.

On the Sunday when drunk in the piano bar (or Bar At Times Square as it's actually called) we were joined by one of the chaps that managed to get into the MGM for the fight:

A definite highlight of Vegas was our trip out of state to Arizona and the Grand Canyon. We booked a helicopter flight that took us over Old Vegas, Lake Las Vegas and then onto the Canyon. It was cold down there and even a bit of snow was lying around. We had a picnic below the rim of the canyon and took in the surroundings - it's a stunning place which makes geography briefly interesting as you see the Colorado River meandering through the Canyon and eroding away rock formations over 2 billion years old.

Some people got different things out of the trip, for example Karen and Caroling literally fell over themselves in an attempt to sit next to the pilot who they thought was rather fit.

The occupants of our helicopter enjoying a glass of bubbly

with our pilot, Travis, far right.

The flight back took us over the Hoover Dam and then one of the most remarkable sights you will ever see, Las vegas Strip by night (hindered by my 3.5mm camera):

We then went to see Cirque Du Soleil, just go and see it - it's phenomenal.

Our last night in Vegas was predictably heavy and doubtless responsible for the trouble I suffered for the following 9 days I lost my body clock. We had to be at the airport at 7am the following morning and I didn't go to bed choosing instead to keep the blackjack dealers company all night whilst drunk.

This made the flight to New York uneventful as we slept the whole way. When we got to NY we knew that sleeping would be a mistake so we took in a basketball game (Sonics at Knicks) where Stuart betrayed his Seattle heritage and merchandised up on Knicks gear:

Madison Square Garden, not a clue what's going on.

I have finally decided that I don't like New York. Sure, it's got the best steak house in the world but other than that it's a very angry place full of busy people in a hurry - three adjectives that I try and avoid. Take the Rooftop bar we went to:

This is a view, a good view, but there are better. Take Central Park, it's a park and the only reason why it's significant is because there's no greenery for miles around - compare it to central London where there are green parks and squares all over the place. It's a city centre that's just a bit too busy for me and aside from the steak I really can't see the point in going there for a holiday. It's taken me three trips to figure this out but seriously if you want to experience a city that will blow your mind then head to Sydney.

A picture of us about to get fleeced £20 for the pleasure of sniffing a horses arse around a park.

New York did produce one of the better moments in life. It was our last night and we were drinking in Times Square after our steak. We asked the waitress where would be good to move on to and she suggested an Irish bar. This wasn't your typical Irish bar of Guinness and Pogues, it was an R&B bar with a 'wigga' DJ and music that I'm too old to appreciate. It was getting late and we were bored, Stuart was flagging. Pezza and I went to the downstairs bar that was empty with the same kind of music as above I therefore sent Pezza to find the DJ and see if we could request a song or two to keep the evening going. The guy in the DJ stand gave Pezza his iPod and asked her to choose a song. Feeling under pressure she opted for some AC/DC. Upon the selection of which the guy put Pezza in charge whilst he buggered off. When he came back Stuoobs and Caroline had joined us and we were another few choices down the line. He showed me how to operate the laptop/iPod combination, how to fade in and out and wished me luck! In poured 500 students on a medics night out and we all of a sudden found ourselves DJing in a club on Times Square!

Needless to say the next day was rough. In the taxi to the airport I was in the back in the middle of Caroline and Pezza who both had their heads out of the window. Once aboard the plane it was heads down and a quick watch of my new found inspirational movie, Run Fat Boy, Run.

The most disorganised place on Earth...

Seriously, how do people in LA function? It's a brilliant place, it really is. It has everything here you could possibly want; imagine London but cleaner, with nice weather and a few beaches and you'll be just about there. It has a flaw though, you know when you've done something and you go away for a brew or a little sit down and a while later you think, "Jesus, I forgot to add a transport infrastructure!"

Well this is what God must have thought a few years after inventing LA. Even the airport's rubbish; ours was the first flight to arrive in the AA terminal. There are 4 baggage collection belts in this terminal and even though it was just us there they decided that they need to use 2 belts so you had no idea where your bags would be. You then realise that without a car LA is impossible to negotiate. On this trip we have been to one of the most frantic and poorest capital cities you could imagine in Bangkok yet getting from A to B there was easy with a choice of taxi, tuktuk, river boat, canal boat, train or subway but LA has decided to have a bus network that makes the Sheffield Tram look organised. How do they get around this? Tarmac, and lots of it. Taxi drivers here must be millionaires.

Whinge over.

Our flight was pants. American Airlines have Tony Soprano and some illiterate wine buff to let you know, 'We know why you fly'. You therefore have to assume for the average American flying is an experience whereby they expect to be treated like a terrorist with Aids from the moment they walk into their departure airport and through their trip on their 'airplane'. There is no such treatment upon arrival as you don't actually see anyone when you arrive if travelling domestically. Again, Bangkok Airlines whoops their ass.

Seriously, whinge over.

So, enjoying LA is easy. Our room wasn't ready when we arrived but as it was 7am it would have been a bit optimistic to expect it to be so we took a stroll through Beverly Hills and along the famous Rodeo Drive and you really can see what all the fuss is about. Celebs must love it here but for the average Joe it's way out of our league. Maybe it was too early or maybe it was because they saw two scruffy Brits in shorts, but all the shops were shut.

In the evening we took a cab to Sunset Boulevard and had dinner and drinks in the trendy Skybar with amazing views over the rest of the city before a stroll down Hollywood Boulevard and the world famous star walk. It's great walking down there for the first time as it's a real sport trying to walk with your head down to spot the stars you know whilst trying to avoid the Hollywood Blvd street furniture (lamp posts, benches, dealers, pimps & hookers).

There must be some funny stuff going on as after I saw this beauty of a star:

I saw two separate stars for Stan Laurel & Oliver Hardy. I ask thee! No star for Chesney yet but it surely can't be far off with his imminent theatre production about to hit the finest stage in Salford.

Yesterday we took a trip to Universal Studios. It was amazing. It lacked the 'magic' of Disney but made up for it with superb shows centred around Terminator 2, Shreck, Blues Brothers etc and presentations on special effects. You really got the impression you were in a place where amazing stuff happened. The tour was my highlight with a little trip down the actual Wysteria Lane that was open due to the writers' strike.

I'm not sure what's in the kids meals in LA but you have to admit for 8 and 10 years old respectively, Lisa and Bart are freakishly big!

Next stop is Vegas, we board the plane in about 2 hours and we meat up with Stuoobs and Caroline for what should be a great five days. Or, as the Americans say... "Fiiiiiive."

Andy

xxx

Would it be too predictable to call this post 'Aloha'?

We didn't end up doing too much in Hawaii (with apostrophe "Hawai'i" or without? Please vote on the right) because we realised that this is the last of our beach destinations and with reports of snowstorms in New York we thought it would be best to make the most of it.
The weather's been pretty average at times, for example it was blowing a gale all day today but on Saturday the needle on my 'Ski Dubai' thermometer topped the scale at over 50 Celsius when I left it in the sun. The sun has come out everyday between 11am and midday and generally lasts until the sun goes down before the torrential evening rain sets in - this is perfect for a combination of sunbathing and tubing as we've been getting drunk and not needing to surface until after 11am in order to get a Denny's down us before sunbathing.

Our first night here was Friday (the 45 hour day) so we decided to see what Waikiki on a Friday is like. As it turns out it's rather good. There were plenty of tourists about (including this fella below who Pezza fancied, I think he looks a bit like Toby Anstis...

Other tourists included a load of people from Our favourite US state - Washington, who were here for the Hawaii v Washington college football game. This chap in the picture was a nice bloke who loved his Seattle music but not so much into their coffee - or as it turned out, Sambuca from Italy..

The evening went on and we got totally smashed, the Seattle bloke picked up out $130 tab and he must have tipped well because the barman rewarded him with a triple Jager. With the Sammy B still sitting a little heavy in his belly Pezza came to the rescue, jumped on the bar and chugged it down. The barman predicted she would die in 20 minutes. 21 minutes later our lovely hotel bathroom looked like this...

Notice how it's even on the wall!!!

So Hawaii's been good (Would that be "Hawai'i's been good"?) but we've stuck to the holiday formula of 'sunbathe and drink'. We didn't see the volcano and Pezza still thinks Pearl Harbour is just a film with the Liv Tyler's bloke out of Armageddon in it. What we did have is a brilliant hotel with unrivalled views and a ruddy good time.

As I sit here in the hospitality suite at the hotel my attention is once again drawn to the toilet I mentioned last time. I discovered something even more astonishing. A little button with a picture of a chap on the loo with a dotted line emanating from loo towards chap with the word 'rear' on it. What a button this turned out to be. One firm press and a jet of pleasantly warm water shoots towards the 'necessary area' and leaves you shower fresh. There's even a dial to control the pressure (I turned it all the way up) and a 'front button' for the ladies.

So it's off to LA next where we'll probably do a bit more. I've just printed off my tickets for the Universal Studios park and we're staying in the hotel used in Pretty Woman (Richard Gere's hotel, not the apartment Julia Roberts stays in).

Love n hugs.

xxx